The Negotiator

How to Stay Calm and Offer Good Advice, by accessing your system two thinking! (Even When Someone Is Shouting at You)

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 17:27:52 GMT

How to Stay Calm and Offer Good Advice, by accessing your system two thinking! (Even When Someone Is Shouting at You)

I once had an email from a policeman I had helped to resolve a neighbour dispute. It simply read: “How do you do it?”

My initial thought was, “People always view me differently because I am not wearing a police uniform and I don’t carry the weight and responsibility of our resilient, hard-working police officers.” But when I thought a little deeper about how I had managed to resolve this particularly hard and thorny mediation between two neighbours, the answer became clear: “I was the calmest person in the room, at all times.”

Ok, so great advice, Jason, thank you — but did we really click on the link just to read that? No. Let me go further. When you are detached from a crisis, business merger, negotiation, or mediation, it is easier to calm the room and help people find solutions, because you are not emotionally involved. Personally, I work very hard to achieve positive outcomes in all my cases and, I put in a lot of time and effort, but when it comes to emotions, I remain professional.

But what if you are not detached? What if you are one of the parties in a negotiation or crisis, and anything but removed from it? What are you meant to do then?

In his famous book, Daniel Kahneman explains that we have two types of thought. The first is our fast-acting, emotionally driven “system one” (Homer Simpson) type thinking. The second is our rational, strategic, calm “system two” (Albert Einstein) type thinking. Now, we are all emotionally driven beings, and we naturally default to our system one brain. Why? Because it’s easier. It seems to offer quick solutions — but they are often ineffective.

For example, when I asked both parties in the neighbour dispute what would help with the problem, without hesitation, they both said: “Move my neighbour.” This is system one at work. It also fails to consider the second or third move of any action. Imagine if you played chess like this — you would never win a single game.

What we need is a quick and easy route to bypass our system one brain, switch to system two, and collect £200 as we pass go.

Now, there are around a thousand techniques for relaxing the body, breathing through stress, and staying mindful — all of which can really help. However, when we’re in the middle of a crisis or a tense, high-stakes negotiation, we don’t always have the time to explore such good practice. In mediation, I will always offer people the chance to pause, reflect, and return to the table, because it helps clear the mind. But if you are in a situation where this isn’t possible, try this:

Ask yourself: What are they feeling right now? What do they need from me?

I know it’s not easy, especially when you wish they would just recognise the great offer you’ve put on the table, sign the deal, and leave. But it is exactly what you need to do — for two reasons. First, it instantly pulls you out of your system one, emotional brain. Second, it allows you to ask a better question and move your thoughts closer to theirs.

In life, we all make the same mistake in difficult situations: we assume others think like us and want what we want. How many times have you heard someone say, “Well, if that were me, I would have done this,” or, “I would have just let them have it”? Sadly, this one-sided thinking stalls countless deals, mediations, and negotiations. We stay stuck in system one, trying to browbeat others into agreement, when what we actually need to do is think about the other person. Not to simply give in and hand them what they want, but to understand their needs and help bridge the gap.

From there, with a new perspective, you can even test your assumptions by labelling how they may be feeling or what they might need. You’d be surprised how far this one action can go in breaking down barriers.

As a professional negotiator, this is what I spend much of my time doing. Let me go back a step here. When I said earlier that “as far as emotions go, I just remain professional,” what I really mean is this: in my work, being professional means leaving my own emotions to one side. Doing so allows me to focus on the emotions and needs of the people in the room and to ask the most important question: Can anything be done to align them?

Sometimes, it’s the emotional element of a negotiation that gets us across the line — and allows us to close a deal or resolve a dispute together.

#mediation #negotiation #disputeresolution

Are you a victim of the Dunning Kruger effect?

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 09:15:17 GMT

Are you a victim of the Dunning Kruger effect

The Dunning Kruger effect is something we are all prone to. It was first described by Psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999. It occurs when our lack of knowledge and skill in an area, actually causes us to overestimate our own competence in it. Or put it another way, when the “Come on, how hard can it be”, attitude rears its head within us and we think we know more than we do.

I have myself have been victim to the Dunning Kruger effect when I mistakenly proof read and edited the first book I wrote. The book did well, but did receive criticism as it needed proof reading and I am sure cost me sales.

When I produced the second edition, I employed a professional editor and proof reader and it improved the layout of the book, making it look far more professional.

I often encounter the Dunning Kruger effect when I ask people if they are seeking professional help when crisis negotiation or disputes arise and they say, “No we are handling it ourselves, but will get back to you if ever we get stuck”.

The problem being is that we believe we can fix everything ourselves but can end up making huge mistakes, which can cost us money, or even make the initial issues worse.

In his novel “The Negotiator”, Ben Lopez discusses the number of times he has been employed by clients who have already hired all manner of people in an attempt to handle crisis negotiations. These attempts have ended in disaster when they have turned to solicitors, friends, family or even priests, without first talking to a specialist response consultant.

We all like to handle our own negotiations, whether it is securing a deal, or resolving a dispute and feel that as business owners we should “just know how to do this”. But without specialised training and experience, we can often make costly errors such as leaving money on the table, damaging relationships, or worse.

This also It also reminds me of a national advertising campaign run by a driver training school years ago which said. You would not try and split the atom, just because your mate had given you a few lessons, but you will try and take your driving test after a few lessons from your Uncle Gary.

This route can also be waste of our precious time and resources. As what may take a professional a few hours might take an untrained person weeks, diverting attention from core business operations.

But what stops us from hiring a professional, fear of extra cost?

I am sure we have all heard some version of the story of the mechanic who is called into a factory when the machine which runs the whole plant breaks down, costing the owner thousands of pounds in lost revenue. The mechanic looks around and approaches the machine and with a screwdriver, turns one screw and it all works again. They then present the owner with a £1000 bill which they question, as it took them so little time to fix. Then mechanic breaks down the bill on a slip of paper and the owner smiles and happily pays up.

When broken down the bill says the following:

Labour cost £50

Knowing which screw to turn £950

As a recent client of mine who runs a successful tech business said to me. “The smartest business leaders know when to call an expert, as they know which buttons and leavers to press and pull. I write computer code for a living; but you will not see me trying to repair my own car, as I am just out of my depth.

If you think about it, you would not trust an amateur to handle your finances or legal matters, why risk it with other areas of your business. Hiring a skilled professional is not just an expensive, it is a strategic investment that pays for itself many times over.

Do not let the Dunning-Kruger Effect cost your business money. Recognise the value of true expertise and bring in a professional when it matters most.

How to become your own Crisis Negotiation Handler

Wed, 28 Jun 2023 08:00:00 GMT

How to become your own Crisis Negotiation Handler

Negotiations can be intense, nerve-wracking, and challenging. Whether it is in a personal or professional setting, the art of negotiation requires a strategic mindset, effective communication skills, and the ability to navigate through stressful situations. In the new Idris Elba TV Series, "Hijack," we witness a thrilling tale of negotiations in the face of extreme crisis. So how can you become a great negotiation Handler.

Stay Calm and Composed:

In "Hijack," the protagonist finds himself in a high-stakes situation, negotiating with armed hijackers onboard an airplane. Despite the intense pressure, his ability to remain calm and composed becomes a crucial factor in the negotiation's success. In one particularly tense scene, when confronted by an armed hijacker, the protagonist maintains a steady demeanour, choosing his words carefully and maintaining a measured tone of voice. This serves as a reminder that no matter how stressful a negotiation may be, maintaining your composure is essential. By staying calm, you can think clearly, make rational decisions, and effectively communicate your points. It is always easier said and done, so ensure that you can create that strong calm relaxed mindset before you sit down and talk.

Gather Information:

Before entering any negotiation, it is crucial to gather as much information as possible about the other party's motivations, needs, and constraints. In "Hijack," Idris Elba's character meticulously studies the hijackers, their demands, and their backgrounds. He utilizes every available resource, such as passengers, to gather intelligence. By doing so, he gains valuable insights that enable him to tailor his negotiation strategy accordingly. For example, in a negotiation what would you do if you discovered that one of the unknown interests (or black swans) of the person you were negotiating with was to provide medical care to people overseas. With this information, you would be able to calm a stressful negotiation by helping everyone focus on the import goals and even collaborate on shared issues. So, in your negotiations, take the time to research and understand the other party's perspective, allowing you to identify potential areas of compromise and create win-win solutions.

Active Listening and Empathy:

Effective negotiation involves active listening and displaying empathy towards the other party. In "Hijack," Idris Elba's character pays close attention to the hijackers' concerns and fears, understanding the underlying motivations behind their actions. He creates an atmosphere where the hijackers feel heard and understood, despite their violent intentions. When negotiating, practice active listening by giving the other party your full attention, acknowledging their concerns, and showing understanding. This fosters a cooperative environment and increases the likelihood of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement. By displaying empathy, you can establish rapport and build trust, which can significantly impact the outcome of negotiations.

Identify Common Ground:

Despite the adversarial nature of negotiations, there is often common ground that can be found between the parties involved. In “Hijack”, Idris Elba’s Character establishes a mutual connection and opens the door for constructive conversation, no none wants the plane to go down, not even the hijackers. Similarly, in your negotiations, seek areas of agreement or shared objectives that can serve as a starting point for building mutually beneficial outcomes. By focusing on commonalities, you can foster collaboration and facilitate progress.

Creative Problem-Solving:

Negotiations often require creative problem-solving skills to overcome impasses and find innovative solutions. In "Hijack," Idris Elba's character thinks on his feet and devises unconventional strategies to address the hijackers' demands within the limits of the law. This highlights the importance of thinking outside the box and exploring alternative options during negotiations. When faced with a challenging negotiation, be open to exploring different approaches, considering multiple perspectives, and finding unique solutions that meet both parties' needs. Creative problem-solving can help overcome deadlocks and lead to breakthroughs that seemed impossible at first.

Conclusion:

Handling negotiations, especially under stressful circumstances, can be a daunting task. However, the new Idris Elba movie, "Hijack," provides us with valuable insights on negotiating effectively in high-pressure situations. By staying calm and composed, gathering information, actively listening, identifying common ground, and utilizing creative problem-solving skills, we can navigate negotiations with confidence and increase the chances of reaching favourable outcomes. Remember, negotiation is an art that can be honed with practice and a willingness to learn from diverse sources, including thrilling movies like "Hijack." So, the next time you find yourself in a challenging negotiation, channel your inner Idris Elba and tackle it head-on with strategic finesse.

Jason Edwards

Email me
Call: 07919102191
Website: Vantage Mediation

Why Chat GPT Will Not Solve Your Problems: Discover the Missing Element in Artificial Intelligence Problem Solving

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 09:14:20 GMT

Why Chat GPT Will Not Solve Your Problems: Discover the Missing Element in Artificial Intelligence Problem Solving

Why Chat GPT Will Not Solve Your Problems: Discover the Missing Element in Artificial Intelligence Problem Solving.

This is not, I repeat, not a blog written by Chat GPT, and when you read on, you will understand why you need to know this.

I work in the field of dispute resolution (mediation and negotiation). So, my average day is filled with all manner of problems, from warring neighbours and disgruntled employees and bosses to desperate business owners attempting to close deals. Or sometimes people who just want to know how to get the best out of a mediation or a negotiation they are currently within. Basically, I help people solve their business, work, and relationship problems.

Now, the reason I am writing this blog is that I recently had a phone call from a client who wanted advice from me on how to approach someone with whom they wanted to mediate. When I spoke with them, they told me that they had asked Chat GPT for the best solution to go about this, but it did not help! I was less surprised by this strategy than I thought I would be, as we live in a world where people will use TikTok as a search engine to check facts and Facebook to receive news. But, while social media and AI are becoming a more integrated part of our lives, artificial intelligence is still missing the most vital component to problem-solving.

In the last few months, it has become so easy to enter a line of text into Chat GPT or any of the other AI bots to find a solution to our problems and get an instant answer. However, when it comes to problem-solving with AI, what you will find is the most important element in all problem-solving issues cannot be met: humanity! As humans, every single one of us is driven by our emotions. We all carry fears, hopes, dreams, desires, and anxieties that dictate our actions and hold the solution to all our problems. Now, to date, I have not heard of an AI bot that really understands or can support the human condition or its need to talk to someone who not only understands what it is to have emotions but also cares about our outcomes, both practical and emotional.

As I discussed the case with my client further, I discovered that the issue was between two former business partners who were related (although quite distantly) and had fallen out over money. This had the added problem that they both kept turning up to the same family gatherings, which was starting to affect them and their loved ones. Now, to be fair, AI did advise talking to the other person, and it made a valiant effort to explain that listening and empathising would also help. But as I listened to the person on the other end of the phone, you could tell there was real hurt in their voice, and the important thing about resolving the issues to them was not just money but also a chance to talk to their former partner, be heard, and then either repair the relationship or move on and let go. As we spoke further, it was also clear that there was a greater issue that AI did not understand, and that was: How to overcome the emotional barriers of both sides of the argument, which, after talking with them, would need to be resolved first before they would sit and talk about their business interests. Now, I am fortunate as within my years of conflict resolution and negotiation, I always work with people to help them overcome any emotional issues. I have also seen countless times that until the emotional elements that lie at the heart of all disputes are met, your negotiations or mediations are going nowhere.

This was reinforced when I met with a trusted friend and fellow mediator for coffee the other day and discussed some of our work within the world of business, gang, street, and community mediation. As we chatted, we were both fascinated to discover that we both used the same approach to street and gang mediation as we did to work and business negotiation. We have both found that it was only when emotional and trust-based influence were built and relationships with each other and sometimes themselves were healed, that disputes and problems were resolved. From corporate business deals on the verge of collapse to the most hardened people in the most entrenched and embittered street negotiations, vendettas and deals alike were resolved by opening both sides up to the emotional content and allowing them to seek a more peaceful and productive solution.

So take a minute and stop and consider what the real issues are before you hit the keyboards and open AI apps for computer generated solutions to emotionally based problems. Let us not be too proud to admit that we all get stuck within our work and business lives and are unsure which way to turn or what to do next, often a chat with another person who understands people is what is needed to find the solution, especially as AI cannot solve all our problems, well not just yet!

Jason Edwards

Email me
Call: 07919102191
Website: Vantage Mediation

How to Successfully Mediate with a Narcissist

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 16:49:24 GMT

How to Successfully mediate with a Narcissist

When I say I wrote the book on narcissists, I mean it literally, as I have authored a popular book called Monsters Live amongst us on dealing with narcissistic abuse. So, if you are sceptical about mediating or negotiating with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, as a professional mediator, I assure you that it can be done!

But why would you want to negotiate with a narcissist? Unfortunately, many of us have to deal with narcissists in various aspects of life, be it at work, in business, or even in our personal lives. You might even be in the process of separating or divorcing from someone whom you believe has a narcissistic personality disorder and need to know how to negotiate with them effectively.

What is narcissistic personality disorder and how is it different?

So, how do you identify someone with NPD? A clinical perspective on narcissism offers the following observations:

They can be selfish and dismissive, with an inability to recognize others' needs and a complete disregard for them.
They are capable of extreme acts of cruelty and manipulation, such as coercion and gaslighting.
They believe they are different, better, or more deserving than others due to special reasons.
They have fragile self-esteem and need others to recognize their high value and needs.
They become upset if others ignore them or fail to meet their perceived entitlement.
They resent other people's successes, always prioritize their own needs above others', and demand the same from you.

How this affects mediation

Due to their lack of empathy and understanding of others' needs, narcissists will not respond to emotional pleas or requests in the same way as you or I would. This can leave the other person confused or upset when the narcissist shows no reaction to their experiences or feelings. Therefore, you must let go of your ideals of "Well, that's not how I would do or say it."

Narcissists also lack the ability to reflect on their own actions and never see themselves as anything less than perfect. This inflated self-worth makes it unlikely for them to admit wrongdoing or offer an apology. These factors make mediating with narcissists a greater challenge, necessitating a very specific approach.

Overcoming the challenges of mediating or negotiating with a narcissist.

Gaslighting and distorting reality: Throughout my career, I have always emphasized the importance of keeping records and taking notes. When someone tries to distort your reality by saying one thing and doing the opposite, they may blame you, claiming you misremembered what they said. By recording conversations, writing things down, or communicating through email or text, you reinforce your memory of what was said and prevent others from distorting your thoughts or gaslighting you. Insist that both parties confirm actions, sign agreements, and put into writing what was discussed and agreed upon.

Victim, rescuer, and persecutor roles: Narcissists will attempt to portray themselves as victims or even your rescuers in order to gain an advantage during mediation. They may also try to cast you as the persecutor and accuse you of playing the victim. Whenever someone tries to assign any of these three roles to you, do not engage in their mind games. If they persecute you, do not play the victim; if they act as victims, do not attempt to rescue them or accuse them. Additionally, never allow them to play the role of your rescuer. When faced with this tactic, do not participate in their game. Step away from the table, be the logical adult, and respond calmly and non-emotionally. In any mediation, I always encourage both sides to explore emotions and issues but within a blame-free culture. I also ensure that any issues discussed are focused on moving forward and not merely distorting the session.

When they refuse to let go or move on: In order to mediate with someone who has NPD, you need to adopt a specific style of communication that is akin to a form of verbal jujitsu. To practice this verbal martial art, you must ensure that you are fully in control of the situation by asking the right questions. While we may think that dominating the conversation is the best negotiation method with a narcissist, it is actually more effective to listen openly and choose the right time to redirect them toward a positive outcome using specific questions. A skilled negotiator understands the power of using various specific questions that help people keep moving forward, seek mutually beneficial resolutions, and keep everyone engaged in the process.

How a professional mediator will help you work with a narcissist:

1. Your mindset is vital. It is crucial to maintain a clear, calm, and relaxed mind in order to prevent them from distracting you and attacking your emotions. If you are struggling to cope with the session, a trained professional mediator will be aware of this and will stop the session to give you time to gather your thoughts. A mediator will also help you prepare for a meeting by ensuring that you are in a good emotional state before it starts.

2. Use the reality bomb to prevent distortions: Making narcissists face the reality of a situation and their actions is something they dread. When discussing issues with someone who has NPD, a mediation session provides an excellent opportunity to do this. A mediator will assist you in expressing how you have been feeling, what you want, and how to achieve it. They will also clarify issues, terms, and agreements, and document them, which both parties will then sign. Working in this way makes it much harder for anyone to later distort your reality and claim they "didn't say something" or "didn't agree to something."

3. Cut off communication outside the mediation: If you are involved in a prolonged negotiation or mediation, avoid engaging in additional communication with someone you suspect is attempting to manipulate you. This is especially important regarding phone calls, as speaking over the phone provides an opportunity for them to distort your thoughts and gaslight you later. Always ensure that all messages are delivered through the mediator during negotiations.

4. Talk with and hire an experienced professional: When entering negotiations with a narcissist, they will always try to derail the talks by distorting, deflecting, and pushing your emotional buttons. A professional mediator will identify these tactics and ensure that the discussions stay on track while meeting your needs as well. Keep in mind that a professional mediator is there to help improve the current situation and find mutually beneficial outcomes. Not every negotiation or dispute resolution professional is skilled in dealing with personality disorders, so ensure that you work with someone who knows what to look for. A professional mediator should ensure that the narcissist adheres to fair agreements and plays by equal rules, while also helping them feel that they are achieving what they want.

If you are entering into mediation or negotiation and are concerned that the person sitting opposite you may be attempting to coerce or manipulate you, consider making an appointment for a free consultation call with me.

Jason
Email me
C all: 07919102191
Website: Vantage Mediation

Breaking Bad News

Wed, 08 Feb 2023 17:07:08 GMT

True story.

Many years ago, I arrived at work one Tuesday morning, bright and early, ready to face the onslaught of the day, sales calls, negotiations complaints, etc, however, this was not going to be my usual Tuesday.

At around 8:30am, I was approached by a junior part-time admin. They reliably informed me in a curt tone that my role within the company had just been downgraded and I was to no longer receive any new sales leads!!!

I was shocked, how the hell did they know this and why were they telling me in front of my colleagues in a public office at 8:30am!!!

As you can imagine I was not happy about the news, but even less happy about the way I had found out. I actually spent the morning in a state of shock, and disbelief and as you can imagine struggled to be effective.

My manager finally spoke to me in their office later that day and as it turned out, I was to head up a new marketing team and work in a larger office. So, the news was not all bad. However, the news should not have been delivered that way to me!!!

Now while this was not the worst experience of an inappropriate way to break bad news, it does give an example of the 5 major areas which need to be addressed correctly when we have to inform someone of news that they might find difficult to take on board.

1. Timing, and controlling the flow of information.

When a roadside fatality happens, the police have to ensure they do everything they can to quickly contact the surviving family members before they hear about the death of a loved one through other sources. Now what has made timing imperative when doing this in recent years is social media. As people will often upload details to social platforms about accidents and the victims without even considering the effects of this. It is not unusual and very sad that surviving members of the family will hear of the death of a friend via Facebook, rather than from a friend or family member.

When you have to break bad news, you have to ensure that any difficult message is being delivered in good time, so you can control the flow of the information. Now one of the main things which often prevents people from giving bad news is a fear of upsetting or displeasing others. We have to be honest, as it is never easy having to break bad news and we have to accept that it is an inevitability that the person receiving it, will feel bad when hearing it. As a former HR officer, it was often the case that I had to call unsuccessful candidates to tell them that they would not be coming to work with us. However, I had a rule that I would always call them the same day, as I felt that as hard as it was for them to hear, they needed to know the answer, so they could move on rather than be kept waiting. Never ever delay giving bad news as much as it might pain you, it has to be done as soon as possible. The alternative can be someone finding out from another source.

2. Location, don’t make it public

I could name a number of occasions, where I have seen people giving bad news, in busy crowded offices, in front of work colleagues, in the street, or on one occasion; told of the death of a family member while they are serving members of the public!!!

People always need time and a private space to absorb bad news, where they can reflect on it and if they need to cry, become upset or even have a good old rant and private space has to be made to facilitate this. It is important that someone is never denied their emotions and giving bad news in the wrong environment, will mean that someone will work harder to repress the feelings, rather than let them out. You also never know how someone is going to react to bad news, so you can’t rely on them just remaining calm and keeping a stiff upper lip. Always create that safe space to give someone time to take in what they have just heard and if need be, explore their emotions and reflect.

3. The right person, is not always the strongest person

Breaking bad news is not something that should be done by anyone, it really isn’t. You will often get people, who really could not care less about giving out bad news and will almost pride themselves on being able to do this, as it does not bother them. You must have heard this before, “NO, I WILL TELL THEM, THEY NEED TO HEAR IT FROM ME, I WILL JUST TELL THEM STRAIGHT, PULL THE BAND-AID OFF QUICKLY, TRUST ME IT’S THE BEST WAY. IT WON`T BOTHER ME” Now while these unempathetic people may feel they are the best person to do it, as “they” are ok with it, they are the worst possible choice ever!!

Now we all hear the word empathy used a lot, but very few people are capable of actually displaying it appropriately, and even fewer are capable of using empathy as a tool to help others when bad news has to be broken. Always look for someone who extends their thoughts towards others' needs and can maybe soften their voice and use the right words, whilst demonstrating they can understand another’s feelings. We might often choose a friend to break bad news and this is not always a bad idea, a familiar face and voice, can help. However, choose a friend that is sensitive and knows what to say.

In my role as a crisis responder, I often have to use tactical empathy to help people through the most difficult of times and while we cannot take away the pain of the moment, we can help others by demonstrating that we can understand how they feel. It’s also important never to lie, in all my years I have never told anyone, “I know just what it is like”, if I have not experienced what they are going through. I will be honest and tell them, “I can only imagine how hard this must be for you”.

4. The correct information

In my book, Letting Go Gently, I talk about the importance of giving the correct information to someone, when attempting to mediate a separation or divorce. Many of us will have heard of “The Charge of the light brigade”, the infamous military action which cost hundreds of lives. But what many of us may now know is that The Charge of the Light Brigade was said to be caused by the wrong orders being delivered. Now, while delivering bad news has to be done in a timely manner, we have to fact-check and ensure the information we are giving out is correct. My favourite sentence when working in dispute resolution is “how do you know that is true?” and I will use this line again and again, to ensure that the correct information is about to be given to someone and that it comes from a reliable source, not just hearsay.

5. Word, words, words and good old Mehrabian

There can be very few of us who have not heard of Albert Mehrabian, he is the professor who came up with a very famous communication model. Mehrabian states that your body language and facial expressions have the biggest effect on your communication and the way your message is received 55%. The way you deliver a message (voice tone, intonation etc.) has the second biggest effect on how it is received 38%. However, only the words you choose account for 7% of your message. Now while we have all heard this many times, it is never more relevant when giving bad news. Consider these words, “The house is on fire”. Now if these words were shouted in a loud alarming voice, with someone pointing towards an exit door, it would be a call to action to get out of the building. But what if the same words were said still in a loud alarming voice, but this time there was a slight change to the way they were spoken, maybe a more positive energy, rather than a sense of panic. What if this person instead of pointing toward a fire exit, was pointing toward a crowd of people dancing to a DJ? The message could almost be the same but for one difference. One tells you to vacate the building, and the other tells you that people are having a good time. The words are absolutely the same. Now, this rather extreme example highlights the importance of how you deliver a message and that all important displaying of empathy has to be 100%. Softening our tone, and making eye contact with an understanding facial expression, are so important, as are your words. They may only make up 7%, but it's an important 7%, so choose them wisely.

Finally, it is one of the great truths, that you cannot go through life without having to receive or give bad news, but how it is delivered does make a difference to those receiving it. While we cannot avoid someone having an emotional reaction, we can allow our words to fall as softly as possible.

Jason
Email me
Call: 07919102191
Website: Vantage Mediation

SHOULD WORK COLLEAGUES EVER BECOME FRIENDS

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 11:27:00 GMT

Vantage Mediation

HOW AND WHY CONFLICT OCCURS AT WORK

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 08:00:00 GMT

FORGET YOUR BUSINESS DEGREE FOR A MINUTE YOU JUST NEED TO FOCUS ON THIS ONE THING

Sun, 02 Oct 2022 14:28:00 GMT

No matter who you are and what business you work in, everyone and I do mean everyone is affected by and to a greater degree controlled by their emotions. From finance to law, to construction and retail, we are all at the mercy of our human emotions.

Emotions affect everything we do and precisely how we do things. We are all ruled and governed by an emotional reaction to some degree, even if we do not think so. The latest research shows that the majority of your actions are controlled by your unconscious (emotional) mind.

So, taking that into account do you think that if you learned something about people and emotions you would stand a much better chance of resolving a dispute or negotiating a better deal?

Now resolving business-to-business problems is of vital importance as your business will depend upon the relationship you have and build with other businesses. Now all businesses are run by human beings and as Richard Branson said “People are the lifeblood of every business”, so the important thing to remember here is relationships. If you have a great relationship with another company, deals are going to run smoother and quicker and become less costly. Fees are going to be reduced for repeat business and when problems occur and they always will, it will be quicker and easier for you to remedy them if you have a great relationship with “the other side”. In fact, that old term is one of the first things which you need to purge from your thinking, as from now on you need to start working and building positive emotional relationships with other companies.

If you are currently involved in a work-based dispute and are looking to hire a professional mediator, then please contact me for a free consultation call.

Jason

Email me

Call: 07919102191

Website: Vantage Me diation

HOW TO IMPROVE ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND BECOME A BETTER NEGOTIATOR

Sat, 01 Oct 2022 12:36:00 GMT

Over the years I have attended some excellent courses in mediation and negotiation. I have studied psychology, passed exams in business negotiation and read numerous books on the subject of influence, crisis/ hostage negotiation and therapy.

My Career path has led me to work alongside the police, local government, councils, the NHS and also in the corporate sector, negotiating high-end business and property deals.

I initially started working in therapy and coaching and later as a Manager and now a full-time negotiator/mediator. So whenever I am asked what it takes to be a great negotiator or resolve a dispute, I can say without a doubt that everything I have ever studied, learnt and now taught has led me to this single thought.

"If you want a better result in any mediation, then the first thing you need to change is your own mindset. Basically, If you are not getting the results that you want, then all you have to do is talk less, listen more and ask the right questions”

Now you may think that is a bit of an understatement, but the truth of the matter is, whenever you are ever taking place in any negotiation then you need to ensure that you are being effective within the conversation and the process. Now my experience has taught me that there is only one way to do this effectively and it is by taking the path less travelled and not talking so much.

In all negotiations and mediations if you want a better outcome then you need to be the person who talks less, listens more and just asks the right questions. Have you ever watched a great interviewer at work? think of someone like Oprah Winfery, she knows how to listen and also how to ask the right question at just the correct time. Oprah can steer a conversation and the person she is talking where ever she likes, she would make a great negotiator. From just watching her interview techniques it is so easy to see how she engineered her career to one of the most successful interviewers of our time. Oprah controls the entire direction of the conversation, just by listening and asking questions!

In my own mediations and negotiations, I listen about 70-80% of the time and just ask questions.

Now there are many hard-nosed, old-school business negotiators out there who believe that this approach is passive, weak, and ineffective and still believe that if they dominate the conversation then they are controlling the whole game. Well if you go down the outdated route of attempting to rule the conversation by non-stop talking and being aggressive with intimidation, manipulation, and threats, then you may “win” the odd negotiation. but very soon you will find that people will not want to deal with you. You will also miss the whole point of a negotiation which is to build a long-term empathetic relationship.

Negotiations and mediations can often be like ju-jitsu in that you allow others' energy and strength to be redirected against them. It is your role, to redirect this energy into something positive which allows you to either resolve an issue or obtain a better deal. Think of it this way, if you have someone who is ranting and raving and getting upset, if you do not react in the same manner and respond in a calm fashion, then what happens? You just have one person who is shouting and screaming and the energy can easily be displaced by you allowing it to never land and affect your emotions. Eventually, they will burn out their energy. So, like a great strategic fighter, you can conserve your energies by keeping a calm head and not reacting emotionally and when the other person has burnt themselves out and are ready to listen and talk, you can ask some helpful questions.

If you want to learn or improve your negotiation skills, I also run an online or face-to-face mediation and negotiation coaching service, contact me for a free consultation call.

Jason

Email me

Call: 07919102191

Website: Vantage Mediatio n